Moving, women bishops, and little else

I am now in agreement with the people who warned me that moving from one dwelling place to another is a gigantic hullabaloo. I have less than half an hour in which to write this week’s entry; I shall endeavour to make efficient use of the time. And that means that there will be very little spell-checking.

The decision of which furniture to buy has been delayed – perhaps indefinitely – in the hope that we encounter some perfectly matching pinewood television stand and bookshelf combination for less than the price of an average night out. I am not optimistic. The story is a similar one with curtains. Is there any reason why curtains are so excessively costly? And why is it that curtains are so readily available in ‘faux silk’ format, at the expense of all other, more normal-looking formats? Every piece of fabric we encounter shimmers and glistens like the bedsheets in some tacky-ass ‘Arabian Nights’ themed motel room. Who buys this shit?

As to the rest of the world, a great deal seems to have happened, but not much of it is surprising. Germany have won the world cup; Israel has bombed Gaza; Michael Gove’s excruciating tenure as Education Secretary has finally come to an end, presumably after the conservative party remembered that teachers are capable of voting.

The Church of England have also finally decided that women should be allowed to become bishops. This is progress, of a sort. When you’re the Church of England, you see, the standard for what constitutes ‘progress’ is set pretty low. They might as well have had a vote on whether or not to upgrade the Synod computer system from Windows 95 to Windows 98.

What little forward motion there is only serves to draw attention to how far behind they have fallen. Like the deafening footsteps of a morbidly obese child on school sports day, valiantly straining to propel one blubbery limb before another. The applause drawn is that of a pitying audience; an audience whose children finished the egg and spoon race long ago, and are now enjoying a nice glass of orange squash. Well done, guys.
I’m a little mystified as to why a woman would want to rise through the ranks of a religion whose central function is to bestow power to men at the expense of women. Is it a little like black people wanting to become Mormons.

The main defence to these criticisms seems to be to deflect attention to the practices of other religions, which variously prevent women from showing their faces in public or marrying a man from another religion or having a clitoris. To continue this fat-kid analogy, I suppose these other religions count as the children who are incapable of even crossing the starting line, on account of the fact that they are bedridden after eating eighty-eight chocolate éclairs. It is no achievement to have bested them.

Until next week.

*I don’t know, incidentally, whether ‘bishops’ includes ‘archbishops’, or whether ‘archbishop’ is a category all of itself. If someone could clarify this, I would be grateful.

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