Britain First! are they just wankers?

For a long time I’ve been dimly aware of the group known as Britain First. Britain First are a group of nationalist outrage-merchants, whose purpose is to put – you guessed it – Britain First. This seems distinct from its antecedents in that it spreads the good word through viral media: crappy little brainless images with bone-headed sentiments underneath. I’m sure you’ve all encountered them. I fucking hate those in general by the way, but that’s another blog.

The Britain First Facebook page is mostly used to flog a line of jingoistic t-shirts, hats and badges. This seems to encroach a little onto the territory of already-existing organisations that flog pro-armed forces paraphernalia, whose proceeds go towards helping members of the armed forces, rather than furthering some knuckle-headed political movement. Why the fuck would you not promote them instead, you insufferable parasites?

Britain First now have half a million Facebook likes, which is more than all of the other main four (Three? Five?) parties put together. This is like the young, technologically literate version of the same old bullshit. They are accumulated these through the use of the aforementioned inflammatory images. Do you disapprove of starving a dog to death? LIKE AND SHARE! Do you disapprove of child rape? LIKE AND SHARE! From what I can see, they put up five or six of those dumbass memes a day. Which makes my one-blog-a-week approach seem comparitively slovenly.

Britain First is a fascist organisation. You might think that’s overstating it, since their proposals are undoubtedly mild compared to those of Anjem Choudry and the like. And of course, it isn’t fascistic to denigrate Islam. It is fascistic, however, to relentlessly glorify the military, censor criticism and scapegoat ethnic and religious minorities. Boxes which they have pretty much ticked. I particularly loathe their hard-line Christian message which seems to have been overlooked, as it normally is.  Popular lefty blog AAV has documented this all a great deal more thoroughly than I will here, so go check that out.

Some UKIP supporters apparently didn’t get this memo. They decided to pose with Jayda Fransen, Britain First’s new front-end, for a photo, on the grounds that they agreed with everything that she had to say. This did not go down well at UKIP headquarters, who promptly issued a clarification, reaffirming that they are not not NOT a bunch of fascists.

Fransen is not a big bald white dude, which from a PR-perspective, is helpful. She has also mastered that amazing feminine ability to be obnoxious because she knows she won’t get a punch in the face. This talent is exhibited flawlessly in the videos on Britain First’s YouTube channel, in which her exploits are soundtracked by what sounds like a less well-financed Hans Zimmer alongside Two Steps from Hell and whatever other Epic music they could track down. Is this Rochdale town centre? Or is it Skyrim? This impression is re-enforced moments later when they barge into the local Tory office and encounter a man who can only repeat the words: “Could you leave please?” like an NPC for whom only one line of dialogue was ever recorded.

No reasonable person could have conceivably profited from the resulting exchange, wherein Fransen bellowed her political talking points at this hapless man. This is a common Britain First tactic: walk unsolicited toward your political opponents and bawl your opinions at them. Yeah, stick it to the man, Jayda! Don’t forget to LIKE AND SHARE.

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Tory-boy in question. He couldn’t very well call the police – that would not reflect well on the party, would it? He also couldn’t do what any other office worker would have done and tell them to fuck off. This is, I suspect, why no-one much wants to get into politics; you’re not allowed to simply tell people to fuck off. He instead attempts to subtly manoeuvre her out of the building using only his chest, which results in several bizarre accusations of manhandling.

He’d almost managed to get them to the door when he made the fatal mistake of deviating from the script and mentioning the proposed Tory in-out EU referendum, which prompted a tirade from the hitherto-silent cameraman. “TORY LIES AND SUBTERFUGE! WHERE WAS GONDOR WHEN THE WESTFOLD FELL!?”

I’m paraphrasing.

Camera Man also tried to get involved in a latter exchange with some Muslim guy outside a mosque. Something about England being for English people – because Jesus fucking Christ, why bother with subtlety at this point? Why pretend you’re not just the same old NF bullshit? Why not just become a cliché?

The primary concern seems to be a proposed mega-mosque. I can see why; if you’re not keen on mosques to begin with, the idea of a mega-mosque might seem utterly terrifying. If these Britain First people are to be believed, there’s a not-insignificant danger of the thing transforming, decepticon-style, into an enormous gun.  If you want my opinion, it seems only fair, since Britain’s churchgoers now enjoy around five-hundred square yards of worshipping space each, that the Muslims of Rochester be afforded a ginormo-mosque the size of Heathrow airport.

I’m not sure whether simply wandering into the nearest mosque and haranguing all the bemused-looking Muslims is a productive use of anyone’s time, but Jayda is. I think it’s quite impressive that none of them really lost their temper. I can see why they don’t, though; any anger would probably be held up as an example of terrible rage problems within The Muslim Community.

Britain First, and their ilk, seem keen to crowbar the Rotherham child-abuse scandal into their condemnation of Islam. It seems that the vast majority of the horrible child-molestation occurred in takeaway shops rather than mosques, and yet takeaways seem to have eluded the ire of Britain First. I get that. It’s not easy to campaign against kebab-houses. Everyone fucking loves kebab.

I’m sure we will hear more from this charming group in the future, but for now I’m done with them.

Until next week.


2 thoughts on “Britain First! are they just wankers?

    • I think if you asked most britain first people what the poppy is and what it represents they wouldn’t be able to tell you. To them it’s just a tribal badge

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